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Hot Topics
 Hot
Topic Posted May 12, 2008
The
Call to Women in the
Second Half of Life
by Barbara A. Bernard
If
you are anything like me, you may have discovered that your family
of origin influenced many of the choices you made in the first
half of your life. Career choices, lifestyles, patterns, rhythms,
roles, expectations, and ways of living grew out of what was familiar.
This may have been very fulfilling for that season of life, but
for many women in midlife these choices no longer feel quite right.
It might begin with a nagging feeling that there must be something
more, or you might feel flat, as if you’re on a plateau.
Changes may also have created new spaces in your life. Children
are raised and out of the home, partnerships have dissolved, or
a career may have come to a close.
As changes occur, new questions can arise: Who am I, if I don’t
rely on relational words like partner, wife, mother, or grandmother
to define myself? Who am I, if I don’t tell people
what I have done as my life’s work so far? What if I chose
not to define the second half of my life primarily by caring for
and responding to others? What do I
want?
How we have lived, loved, and given in the first half of our lives
may not predict how we will live, love, and contribute in the
second half. Our story for the first half-century does not necessarily
define how we will live into our future. Choosing new paths, or
a different road, does not in any way negate the choices that
we have made in the first half of our lives. But, like the caterpillar
that becomes a chrysalis, it may be time for a new form.
The caterpillar sees the world from the ground or the branch.
Its limited view is controlled by the surface to which it is attached.
Then comes the chrysalis—a time when the internal structure
breaks down and dissolves into a liquid. The liquid inside the
chrysalis of our self represents a call to the fluid, flowing,
and intuitive side of our nature. This change in state urges us
to listen to the quiet voice that wants to emerge; it nudges us
towards new ways of being and living.
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In midlife transition we often find
ourselves in the chrysalis state, attached to former structures
while undergoing major changes that are not observable from the
outside. This may also be a time of confusion, a time when you
realize you’re not what you once were. It frequently is
a time to consider new questions: What is my purpose? What did
I come here to do? Whose life am I living?
A caterpillar and a chrysalis both see the world from the vantage
point of the ground or branch. Only when the butterfly emerges
from the chrysalis can it move freely with lightness of being.
In this new colorful state it has unrestricted views.
So how do we as women begin to sort out this state of confusion
while still in the immobilized chrysalis? Where do we find the
promise of new vistas and vibrant color? How do we, who have attuned
ourselves to hear the baby’s whimper and who have learned
to anticipate the need implied by a partner’s tone of voice,
begin to hear the murmurs inside us that are calling us to our
true home—the home of self, which holds our passions and
promise for the future? We who are practiced at using our intuition
to
hear others may be less sure about how to listen to our inner
voice, and uncertain how to take action once we hear the call.
What does it take to hear our own voice? It takes slowing down
for a time, actually stopping time, in order to be quiet. The
Chinese word for busy is composed of two characters: heart and
killing. One way to hear the wisdom of your heart and soul is
to slow down, get quiet, and step away from your daily routine.
How can you do this? Seek ways to
retreat, find places to be in solitude as well as time to be in
the company of other women. As often as you can, remove yourself
from the rhythm of daily life for a weekend or a week. Take time
to listen to the sounds and rhythms of the natural world around
you. Listen to other women’s stories. Witness your sisters
as they awaken to their calling. And in this process find soul
sisters to provide encouragement while you take new, albeit tentative,
steps from familiar to foreign territory.
Once each of us hears the beauty of our own voice, we can respond
to all the compelling needs in our world, a world that will benefit
from women who know that in every face they can see themselves.
We can be the creative beings who provide solutions and resourcefulness
to the planet. The world needs our ability to act with compassion,
to provide passionate energy, to think both/and while seeking
innovative solutions, to protect the natural world, to ensure
beauty, and to strive for peace.
In midlife we can anticipate that we have many years of contribution
ahead of us. Instead of “retiring” from life, we may
simply choose to shift gears. If we look around in our communities,
our country, and the world, there are endless needs to be met.
The knowledge and wisdom we have accumulated in the first half
of our lives prepare us to forge the future.
It is time to listen to that whisper inside yourself that informs
you as you awaken to your passion. Go forward with the understanding
that if all of our energy, resourcefulness, and wisdom can be
unleashed in the world, it will be a better place for everyone
to live.
(Printable version available in
PDF Click Here)
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